You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Competition Between Martyrs
"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"
My pain is greater than yours!
What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what tremendous martyrs we are. And we won't be happy until we do!
We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have been legitimately victimized. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.
The goal in recovery is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.
If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we've been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what's going on. Do we need to recognize how much we've hurt or are hurting?
There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.
That is the gift of recovery, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.
God, help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what I need to learn, so I can stop the pain in my life. Help me focus on the goal of recovery, rather than the pain that motivated me into it.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
The Language of Letting Go is available for purchase in our online bookstore.
Make Language of Letting Go my default Thought for the Day Category
OR
OR
&
Childhood
OR
Dragon King of Bhutan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcoQjoZ6toI&NR=1
Or
Gross National Happiness From Bhutan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXJwNSkdTH0
From
Ethnic Cleansing of a Nation - Bhutan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1yWZ6j4W5A
For more
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhutan
These were my morning reflections.
Today is here
To do
Peter Lott Heppner
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